These Are Red Flags, Dear!

The guy asks to split the bill on the first date.

Some people might get frantic on this one but hold on. I see no tangible reason why a guy would call a lady and ask her on a date; she says yes, adjusts her schedule, gets dressed, shows up and then, asked to pay for her food. Excuse me? If she wanted to buy food, she would have done that herself.

Do not ask a lady to split the bills on the first date. When dating is already ongoing, that can be possible based on the understanding you both have.

No respect for boundaries.

Now listen, boundaries you set MUST be respected, no matter how tiny they are. When someone psychoanalyses what you do not tolerate and makes you feel unreasonable for stating those things, run!

I once dated a guy who asked me what we would be doing together if we didn’t have sex. In his understanding, sex comes with the relationship package. With no negotiations whatsoever, I knew he wasn’t worth my time. Maintaining a relationship with such a partner would mean permitting the pressure on me to be someone else for him.

Goes on and on about his/her ex.

When you are dating someone, you have the idea that the person might have been in previous relationships. What you should not ignore is if the person keeps gushing over his or her ex. If the ex was so good, what is he or she doing in another relationship?

No is not an acceptable answer.

This particular point requires discretion and interpretation of context. Of course, your partner may not succumb every time you say no. He or she might push (lovingly, I mean) for an answer or a course of action that favors him or her. However, if you find that the person you are with NEVER allows you to have your way, that is a red flag.

Lack of definition of intention and direction.

One very annoying sentence I hear people spit is, “let’s just go with the flow.” My father and my Lord! Even the flow from the toilet pipe has a destination. You have to be going somewhere so, make it known.

It is wrong for a lady to have to ask, “what are we? where is this headed? etc.” Asking those questions means she is confused about the objective of that relationship.

Ladies, if you hear yourself asking that question more than once, exit that relationship. A guy who wants to build with you will make sure you know that.