From platonic relationships, and family circles, to romantic alliances, love is a word that gets thrown around. People generally use the term to refer to a strong emotion of affection and attachment.
For anyone new to the business of relationships, knowing when to say “I love you” might be baffling. In this post, I will begin by helping you recognize what love is not, to guide you to certify when to call it love.
What Love Is Not:
- Love is not a feeling.
Butterflies in your belly could be a good sign but not pathognomonic for love. Love does not only feel, it acts, it creates. “Love” which is all words and feelings, and no corresponding actions, is not love.
- Love is not self-seeking.
Naturally, we are selfish beings. Children are born with the innate desire to keep things to themselves and must be taught how to share. Love is not selfish; it seeks the good and comfort of the other.
- Love does not keep scores of wrongs.
Keeping a mental diary of wrongs is a clear indication that you do not love the other person. If you have been hurt and find it difficult to forgive, you may need to discuss with your partner the full extent of your emotional and psychological breakdown. Also, you may require alone time for self-introspection and healing.
- Love does not abuse.
A parent who abuses a child does not know what love is. A husband who abuses his wife has no business saying, “I love you”, and vice versa. Abuse occurs when the value of someone or something is not known. Therefore, if love means to cherish, there is no room for abuse.
What Love Is:
- Love is sacrifice.
Sacrifice means giving up something valued for the sake of other considerations. When someone prioritizes you in their decisions, then it is evident that you are receiving love. Moreso, if you find yourself constantly weighing your options/ choices on how your friend or spouse would be affected by them, then you may be ready to say the words “I love you”.
- Love is patient.
We live in a microwave instant noodles generation. So many things are available just by clicking buttons. The effect of this mindset in relationships is that people are not willing to spend time growing and evolving. They want presets and edited versions of love. Ideal love is patient; allowing others the liberty of becoming their best selves and adoring them through the journey.
- Love forgives.
There is no human relationship where offenses do not occur. When love is present, mistakes are handled with kindness and used as lessons to strengthen the existing bond.
- Love heals.
Before saying “I love you”, do you feel whole or lonely when you are with this person? When one loves, he or she becomes self-aware of their imperfections although not in a way that makes them hide from low esteem. Love brings warmth and wholeness, creating a safe space for everyone involved.
Summary
As humans, we possess such a high level of intelligence and discernment compared to animals. We must live consciously, always remembering we wield our life choices.
Saying “I love you” for the wrong reasons can bring on a host of failed expectations and inevitably resentment and heartbreak that could leak into future relationships.
