What is love bombing and how can you easily identify a love bomber?

Love bombing means bombarding someone with gestures of love to condition them into whatever selfish goal the love bomber has.

Typically, everything is in a rush. The person calls the subject by endearing names and might even want to marry them within days to weeks of their meeting. The love bomber’s show of love might feel ideal but, the motive is all about manipulation. This mess becomes glaring when they switch to a devaluation of the victim they once ‘loved.’

Ever met someone who told you that you were meant for each other, and no one else matters but you? Then, when you wanted things a bit slower, they changed up and verbally abused you or cut you off without any display of reasoning?

How Can You Differentiate Between Genuine Love and Love Bombing?

Most relationships start on a high note, where someone is obsessed with the other person and feels lost without them. If your new relationship feels rushed and your partner is doing so much without knowing your flaws, weaknesses, stressors, triggers, etc., it could truly be genuine love (the butterfly stage) rather than love bombing. So, how can you decipher the two?

Here is an easy place to start the conversation to figure out what’s happening. ‘Hey, I enjoy how you make me feel, but this is a bit too much for me, and I need …’ Then you go ahead and state what you need. For example, ‘Please don’t call me during work hours, or don’t show up at my apartment without calling me prior’ (or whatever issue you wish to address).

Now, watch what happens next. Is their reaction sane and considerate of your needs and feelings? A disrespectful response from them saves you the trouble. Then, you are sure that the ‘love’ was currency for control later.

Love bombing within the family

Some parents do this. Disappear on their kids for ages then, pop up with gifts, treats, and loads of excuses and act like their behaviour is okay. The inconsistency for some children breeds resentment. For a few others, they are blinded by the outpour of counterfeit love. In both cases, the society becomes infiltrated with people who have altered perception on love and that backfires in other relationships they maintain.

Summary

It is impossible to expect a relationship to be in the fairy-tale stage at all times. For the most part, it should be an enjoyably progressive adventure, not a manipulative all-time high. If you are a love bomber, acknowledging this and turning a new leaf would benefit your relationship.

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