Why Do People Want To Have Kids?

I have seen a few women shamed for not wanting to have kids ever. Others want it at all costs. During my Obstetrics & Gynecology posting, I met one desperate lady who desired to get pregnant by any means possible, to keep her boyfriend that gave her an ultimatum of ‘no pregnancy, no marriage.’

One of the first things I notice when people get to know I have no siblings is a sense of pity; they react in a way that reflects they perceive being an only child as an anomaly. That is quite funny to me, to be honest.

This article does not undermine the limitations of female biology- where there are years of prime fertility, years where having kids are associated with health risks, and years of menopause. Consequently, making women very conscious of this biological clock. We now live in an era of technological advancement, so there are ways to circumvent those limitations if the concerned parties are receptive to it.

My focus today is to navigate the popular reasons why people desire to have children. Some go as far as choosing gender and treating the other as subhuman. The reasons are as follows;

• To gain social relevance. People assume a position of ascendancy when they have children littered all around the house. Years back, in African culture, people had kids to the point where they could not identify each by name.
• To help with work. For some, work could be farm work or any venture that needs labor. For others, it could be to continue the family business.
• To carry on the family name.
• To fill a void. Broken and lonely people might think having children is the escape route; having a human that would potentially love them drives them to want to have kids.
• To fulfill all the parents could not achieve.
• To trap a cheating or fleeting romantic partner to commit.
• Ignorance/ Religious beliefs. I put these two factors together because they have the same effect. Some religions do not allow the use of contraceptives, so what happens when two fertile people keep having sex? Other people are just ignorant.
• Source of income. A fraction of women sell off their babies to willing buyers for a one-time fee. Some others enjoy having the regular paycheck of a baby mama.
• To have someone who needs them. Strangely, this also is a reason why people procreate. The ability to have someone dependent on them satisfies their ego; these parents find it hard to allow their child independence.
• To be among those with biological children. For a couple having problems with fertility, this is a disturbing way to think. Infertility is the failure to achieve pregnancy after 12 months of regular unprotected sexual intercourse. Infertility has a myriad of causes not covered in the scope of this discussion. Some of these people are not open to the possibilities of adopting or fostering children.

The result of these is children who grow up wishing they were born into other families. They tag along in life feeling disconnected, strained, and abused. The cycle goes on until someone decides to act differently.

How about we change our orientation and have children for the following reasons;

• Children are gifts from God. This mindset would help us understand that they are not tools to an end with no gender being superior or more useful. We must cherish them and handle them as treasures.

Psalm 127:1-5 NASB

Unless the Lord builds the house,
They labor in vain who build it;
Unless the Lord guards the city,
The watchman keeps awake in vain.
2 It is vain for you to rise up early,
To retire late,
To eat the bread of painful labors;
For He gives to His beloved even in his sleep.
3 Behold, children are a gift of the Lord,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.
4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
So are the children of one’s youth.
5 How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them;
They will not be ashamed
When they speak with their enemies in the gate.

Isaiah 54:13 KJV

And all thy children shall be taught of the Lord; and great shall be the peace of thy children.

• To give love for a lifetime. That means encouraging them to grow into their individuality and life purpose, understanding their independence when the time comes for physical separation, and being willing to share yourself (spiritually, financially, emotionally, physically) unconditionally for that child.
• To create a family. Procreation is part of our human nature. Beyond the idea of having kids just because we are supposed to reproduce, building a family with one’s significant other to produce whole and proper members of society is a good goal.
• Financially readiness. There are so many children in this world who lack basic care. It would be considerate to have the number of children one can cater to without being a burden to others in society.