Yes, you read that right. In the next few minutes, I will be bringing to your attention things you could do that would bring a perfect relationship to ruins. The word ‘perfect’ here represents beautiful, delightful in most respects, having mastered individual differences in a way that unites the couple. It does not imply the relationship is faultless or problem-free.
For ease of understanding and based on practical scenarios, I have grouped the points by gender. However, everything applies both ways.
For Men:
The common thinking a man has is to pursue a woman until he gets her, then he rests. He is dedicated to studying her likes and dislikes, understanding her moods, buying gifts, listening to her talk on the phone for hours, and every other romantic deed at the beginning. Then, adjusts to not trying anymore when he finally gains the lady’s acceptance.
So, lesson one- getting comfortable, taking her for granted is a sure way to lose her. In the period that you are now less aware of her beauty, personality, presence, charm; less concerned with doing what makes her happy and no longer listening to her; forgetting to appreciate her; excluding her input in major decisions; there is someone else who will show up in her environment and ‘appear’ to treasure her. The keyword there is ‘appear’. That person in all honesty may not love her as you do but by being available to her and feeding her things she is starving for, it will be easy for her attention to shift.
Knowing a thing requires studying. I am called a doctor due to the simple fact that I have studied medicine for six years, written multiple examinations, and found worthy to have a practicing license. Even then, I do not stop reading. As each day passes, discoveries are made and changes are made to previously published medical texts and journals. I would be rusty and out of place if I stopped studying medicine because I graduated from the university.
In association, knowing your partner entails paying attention to her. Learning and unlearning regularly. You could play games together, engage in deep conversations, ask questions and just keep being invested. Quitting this commitment is a sure way to ruin your relationship.
The idea of love is a mystery. Voices from culture/society together with our innate desire to be selfish have caused people to abuse love. Love is not feelings of butterfly in the stomach or electric waves from touching her hands or the ability to have speech paralysis when she enters the room. Love is a decision. Love is intentional. Love is a sacrifice and love most definitely is not selfish. 1st Corinthians 13 explains what love consists of.
When you find that you want to please yourself more at the expense of your partner’s happiness, it is a sure indicator that the ‘love meter’ is running low. Selfishness is a catalyst for damaging a perfect relationship.
For Women:
It is no news that women are very expressive especially when they feel offended but for peace’s sake, there should be a caution yellow tape around your lips when you see things that are contrary to your expectations. The art of speaking more than the brain has processed is quite dangerous.
What makes a man who he is has more to do with his role than genitalia. Belittling that can so easily trigger him to leave. A chronically disrespected man can leave and still be bodily around, but certainly has checked out of the relationship.
Ever had an argument with your partner about him not remembering to take out the trash and ended up citing instances of past wrongs infinity years back, sometimes far back he can’t even recall? That makes your partner feel uneasy and afraid to make mistakes (in an unhealthy way).
For either:
When you find yourself for the first time deleting text messages, hiding receipts, lying about finances; you are already cheating on your partner (although you may argue that you are not sleeping around). Dishonesty breaks trust. Trust takes time and consistent effort to build. When destroyed, the relationship has already been admitted to the ICU.
This is indeed a breach of confidentiality. Your partner’s weaknesses and differences are meant to be seen and embraced by you, through the lens of love. Engaging other people (parents, siblings, extended family, friends) in private issues or just updating them in detail about everything that goes on between you two is a recipe for disaster. Soon enough, they will feel entitled to give opinions about your partner and that can wreck your perfect relationship.
